Analysis

I was going to post something a few months back but I had no good ending so I decided not to.

Life has changed a lot for me. I went from AustinTX to PrincetonNJ and started a new job with new stages in my life. Right now I'm supposed to be reading a book for my training class but I don't feel like it.

I realized that although I feel like I've changed for the better my reactions reveal the opposite. As I moved back home I had the opportunity to interact with my parents on a more-than-regular basis. Normally they call me once a day and I can ignore them if I wish, but now I was released from the comforts of independent living. So the past few weeks I've exploded at them more times than the past year... even when my mom was feverish and throwing up in my car I was showing the toughest face love could bear. It took me about 1 hour to finally force out an "are you okay?" and even my tone was unforgiving. Though, behind all the yelling and frustration I know there is still love that holds our family together. My father makes dumb purchases but he makes them for the family. My mother has terrible tact when it comes to money but she is just making sure I don't get ripped off. My brother... well you get the idea.

I realized the thing that got under my skin the most was the notion that I didn't have my choice still. I am 23 and have a well paying job but any big decision I make is hampered with resistance all the way (like which apartment to get). My stubbornness clouds my judgement and I lash out at any opposition to my own choice. When the other side gives up I realize the logic behind the resistance and become much more accommodating of new ideas left and right. I guess it's just that age where I need to be independent.

On a more uppity note, I saw a really pretty girl at work today. She's 5'4 and has long hair and is probably Chinese, that's about all I know. It's nice to finally be in an environment where silent crushes are again possible. I think the difference between .01% and 0% makes all the difference in this world.